Any sort of trial in life has a mental and psychological aspect. Be it financial issues, marriage issues, accidents, problems with school, problems with others, life crises, and whatever else you can think of; it has the power to change how we think, behave, and relate to others. As friends to loved ones, we need to understand the importance of knowing how to support those in need. They can go through very difficult trials, some which re-define the bonds we share. It is through these times that we need to be most vigilant and aware about what we are doing for they can seriously affect those we care about.
Being there means making the time to visit and sit and talk to the loved one. Phone calls and texts are great, but they cannot and should not replace one on one talk time with the individual. Whether it is helping the depressed friend clean the house, treating them to a night out, looking through old photos together, or just a walk; it is all a part of communicating to them your presence. Actions indeed do speak louder than words. You are letting them know they can count on and this gives them a sort of strength and feelings of being valued which are powerful emotions for a person going through a difficult phase.
When listening, listen without judgment. Be able to see and feel as they feel from their perspectives without putting labels such as “you’re weak,” or “that was a stupid thing to do,” or “you could’ve avoided that.” Chances are they are repeating the same self-doubting phrases in their head over and over again and the last thing they need is to hear it from someone else. Even if these are your first reactions, try to be objective and focus on helping them alleviate the negativity.
Lastly, remember, your job is to be a friend. Not a teacher, not a judge, not a police officer, and in some cases, not a bank. Your job is to be the shoulder to lean on. And it seems too simple, almost unimportant. But it is critical for helping them mentally and boosting their self esteem. Your presence and non-judgment allows your loved one to express themselves freely and feel valued. These are very crucial steps in their journey to figuring it out. And you can be the one that helps them begin.
Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
Albert Camus
By Engaisi Peter.
SOMEONE CARES 